15 > Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.14 > Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.
13 > Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs.
12 > Three Words: Daylight Savings Time
11 > Can't enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck
yelling, "Look Ma! It's Elvis!"
10 > After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find
clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.
9 > After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.
8 > No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
7 > With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs
are suddenly off-limits.
6 > No warm blood for miles around DC.
5 > Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.
4 > No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.
3 > Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized
"hardbodies."
2 > Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.
and the Number 1 Complaint of Modern Day Vampires...
1 > Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards.